How marketing for men and women on social media is changing the way we talk about ourselves.
It’s said that when people read less, they become dumber. I definitely see that in the social media world. People have been spending more time on social media and less time reading.
I normally read for about an hour before I go to bed, but one night I found myself scrolling on my phone, looking up different makeup products and videos on how to do the perfect lip.
The wellness industry is having a heyday marketing to men and women. It is marketing both how to look good by eating a certain way, doing certain workouts, how to dress, perfect morning and nighttime routines, the best blend of supplements to take, doing your makeup in a certain way, etc.
We are all sucked into it.
No one is immune to this if they live in this society and especially if they are on social media.
I noticed this self-conscious dialogue inundating the conversations I have with many of the men that I interact with, whether it is coworkers or dates or friends or husbands of friends.
I’ve also noticed how much more that men talk to me about their bodies. I don’t know if this is a thing about being over 35 or if it is a societal shift that has happened in the last 15 years.
I’m used to women around me and myself being self-conscious about their bodies and how they show up in the world, but not the men. Men seem always confident and unapologetic about how they show up in the world. But patriarchy is biting them back and part of it is the more they look at social media and see influencers and people tell them how to look and how to do it. How to bulk up, how do you workouts, how much protein to eat, what kind of supplements to take, hair growth pills, etc.
Social media marketing changes the way societies think and it is showing up in men’s self talk.
It seems as though men are just a self-conscious about their bodies as women these days.
None of these things are that new. People have been self-conscious about whatever the media tells them to be forever. There have been toupees and hair growth supplements for years.
Razor companies in the early 1900’s changed the way women groom their body hair by marketing to women to shave their armpits and legs, which is something I’m glad to see Gen Z rejecting (even though it’s hard for me to stop).
The last few men I’ve gone on dates with have seemed to need to express how much they work out or how clean they eat. Or that they are ‘bad’ or ‘good’ based on the food they have eaten.
Society is great at blaming us for the foods we eat and then targeting every other commercial at us to eat Burger King and then how to lose weight. It’s no wonder everyone seems to have an issue with what they consume and how they live their lives.
We see all these different narratives about how we should be and then we constantly think something is wrong with us for everything we consume, mentally and physically. This is why I don’t post that much about my Slow Life because I don’t want to just put out information that is more junk for people to consume. But sometimes I think my thoughts are interesting and I publish them like this one.
For a while I have thought it must be hard to be a hetero man trying to date in this day and age because women do judge men rather harshly. The pressure on men used to be have a good paying job, dress decently, and maybe have a nice car. Now men feel like they have the good paying job, be a good person, show they are passionate about something but it can’t take up too much time, they have to go to the gym and be healthy and split all the household tasks and be aware and intellectually support their partner. These aren’t outrageous asks, but I think both people’s wants of the other are a little high to be everything for the other person.
No wonder no one likes each other. We are expecting the world of everyone around us. If you aren’t who I expect you to be, I don’t like you.
It doesn’t have to be like this.
All my conversations with men seem to be about their food intake, their workouts or how good or bad they are for something related to either of those things. I meant to work out but I was too busy, so I’m a slug today lolol. I feel really good because I hit my goals of working out 5 times this week and I’ve been eating clean for the last couple of days.
It’s like they are expecting me to be impressed. But it doesn’t come across as bragging so it’s more like they are expecting me to praise them for these tasks they have decided to do, as if they don’t know how to set a goal and go for it and feel good about themselves.
I find it sad because I see they are striving for validation from a woman, a mother figure of sorts, and it annoys the heck out of me because I don’t want to be in this role. I don’t want to praise someone for the food they ate or the workout they did.
I know we judge ourselves that way, but that’s not how I judge a good person.
It also annoys me that they seem to think it is impressive. They are assuming I want to hear these things based on what they think women want or what other men have said that women want. And I understand that too. It’s hard to go on dates and know what to say sometimes, so your brain goes to what you think the other person wants to hear.
But I’m also pissed for them because patriarchy has come back to bite the hand that feeds it.
Men have always been affected negatively by patriarchy, but it’s on overdrive now.
I think most can agree that there are more important things about meeting a new person like personality and authenticity.
But it seems like both men and women are supposed to convey how much they work out or “move their body”. And then it becomes a point that people judge each other on.
I’ve never been concerned with that. I don’t care how much you go to the gym.
I care that you are a well rounded, open minded and decent person.
I’m not sure exactly how to stop this socialization besides to say, think about what you view on social media. Don’t internalize it, understand that you are inherently good whether you workout or eat cookies sometimes or eat raw vegan.
I’m not saying all men who talk about their workouts have low self esteem or don’t believe they are good. But if you get stuck there, here’s a reminder…
What you eat and how much you workout will not make you a good person.
The way you think about yourself does.
When you believe yourself to be a good person, that makes you a good person. You start to focus on how to help others and the world. You stop focusing on yourself and what you can say to impress someone or what you can do to make people validate you (even if this is subconscious) and how much you need to workout to look good and feel good.
When you know you’re a good person, you are more in tune with yourself. You will just work out because you know it feels good. You eat foods that nourish your body instead of torturing yourself with protein powders and supplements and scales. You stop fighting yourself and the world around you.
Your focus comes off of you and onto how to give back, which in turn makes you feel better and makes other people actually believe you are good because they see it and feel it.